Park

Hey there,

Thank you for stopping by,

Hope you all are doing good and living in the moment.

Today I have written something for which I am surely going to face judgements, which I am ready for and that is what was making me a little sceptical initially, but still…

So here it is,

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Park

A few days ago I had come across an interesting experiment called as “Rat Park” experiment (Link towards the end). It was carried out to understand how drug addiction works and what factors can help in its prevention. Two sets of rats were employed for the experiment. Both were given sugar syrup and morphine in varying ratios. But the difference was that one set of rats was kept in a park, where they were allowed to interact, play and have a normal social life. While another set of rats was isolated from one another by locking them in separate cages. Interestingly, the former resisted morphine when supplied in lower dosage and showed relatively low addictive tendencies when supplied in higher dosage. I don’t think I need to elaborate on the condition of the isolated ones.

The past few months have been a little difficult for me, whereas the past 1.5 years has been difficult for all of us. I don’t remember when was the last time my mind stayed in the present for more than a day. It lingered either in the past or worried too much about the future. This led to the problem of overthinking which in turn culminated into anxiety. There were a few triggers as well. I had stopped talking to friends, stopped reading, stopped listening to music, stopped enjoying meals, etc. Not that I had stopped all of these literally, but I was neither in the present or nor enjoying them at the moment. Things became exhausting, scary and more than anything, they became boring. I started sulking. Few personal problems also emerged which now have been taken care of. Things have started coming back to normal, slowly, steadily, one day at a time. But they were still not getting interesting enough. Somehow everything remained boring. No matter what I tried, a continued stretch of ennui remained, until today.

Today, after what-feels-like-ages, I decided to step out of the house. No, not to meet friends or go for a walk. I was headed to the market which is located three kilometres from where I live. I have been going there since I was a kid. It’s been an integral part of my childhood and adulthood. During four years of my college, this particular area fell on my way. My school was precisely here. No function in the family could conclude without shopping from here. For the first time in my entire life, I couldn’t remember when was the last time I had visited this place. I somehow managed to drag myself along with my mother as I was one hundred per cent sure, if this place cannot pull me out of this stretch of boredom then nothing else could. To make things a little less boring from my end I decided to wear something new for a change.

We took a bus. The bus ride was boring. We got down, entered in a footwear store – liked a sandle- too expensive – so decided to “come back later”, like every middle-income person in this country. Overall experience – boring. Walking down the crowded street, vendors kept trying to sell their clothes, people kept bargaining, all of it just remained uninteresting. There was a time when I used to enjoy this commotion. Even while walking on the road, I wasn’t there. I was in the past, thinking about how dreadful the past few months had been and at what point did I lose myself. We entered into a shop, my mother bought herself two pairs of pants and we headed for the bank.

As this walk of boredom and “I am so not in the moment” continued, the most unexpected happened. I saw something or rather someone, who is a snap, brought me to the present. A normal person, minding his own business, standing by his cloth stall, smiling while looking at his phone screen. I could not believe my eyes and brain for a second. Holy mother of good looks, what did I just see?  After so long, I was finally seeing someone and I was literally looking at that person, not just physically but also mentally. How come I was this captivated? I don’t mean to objectify anyone, everyone is attractive in their respective ways (It’s only about how much effort are you willing to put in to get to know a person). But at that moment he was the only one who pulled me back to the present. Did I know him? I wish. Did I talk to him? No. Did I want to talk to him? Yes. I wanted to thank him for existing and nothing else. And as that moment passed, we reached the bank.

I could not help but wonder, “what was that? I know more gorgeous people. I am shallow enough to stalk people on social media sometimes just for their looks but, I have never really felt that before. How sad and bored am I?”

Whatever, at that moment, I just wanted to get the work done asap and go back and look at him, once more. While going back, I turned and looked thrice. It wasn’t just about looks but the fact that after 5-6 months I was looking at someone or something and I had nothing else running on my mind. It felt liberating. It felt spiritual. My mind was at peace and I didn’t even realise I was already smiling under the mask. I felt alive and happy after realising that there are still things or people on this planet who can grab and hold my attention. It gave me hope, that one day everything will be interesting again and sudden unexpected instances of happiness will continue to occur.

Post this, everything about that place became interesting. We entered into another shop, now I could look at the prints and the colours and I was more than eager to help my mother with choosing what she needed. I noticed how lockdown had affected the businesses. Shops were empty and shopkeepers were ready to bargain to ensure some amount of sale. It broke my heart. I admired these sellers for their fixed price attitude and the negotiations that followed. For the first time I saw how our preferred fabric shop had closed down and a supermarket had taken its place. New designs of lehengas had arrived and some shops managed to renovate themselves even during these times of crisis. Somehow, window shopping was no more meaningless, muddy soil beneath my chappals was less annoying, I noticed my mother’s hair have become heavily white and I really liked the shirt I was wearing today.

We went to other shops, only to buy nothing. My legs were aching and my eyes were desperately looking for a chair in every shop we entered. When was the last time, I had walked so much while shopping? I didn’t remember. Towards the end, we came back to where we had started and I bought myself a pair of pink coloured floaters – something I had never liked before. They were a little expensive but worth it. And the fact that they matched the colour of my shirt, made me happy.

And then I wanted to eat something. We headed towards my most favourite shop in the world. But it’s under renovation. I was disappointed, but that’s fine. We headed for another one. We got our meals packed and left. We took the bus and after almost 1.5-2 years, I offered my seat to an elderly lady and she thanked me for that. I don’t remember when was the last time I had done that and someone had patted my back to thank me. Not bragging, but as someone who has travelled in public transport for many years, these small things become a part of your life and we don’t realise when we start taking them for granted.

The entire bus ride, which was boring while coming, had now become very fulfilling. I felt I was no more in my cage, rather I was in a park. Where I could interact with people, without any pressure and expectations. On that bus, I was part of that crowd. Though everyone was headed towards different destinations, we’re all part of that ride. I forever kept thriving to stand out from the crowd, to do something that had not already been done and to meet people I had never met before. But today, what really brought me joy and peace were these same people, same crowd, same strangers and doing the same old things all over again. There was a time when people used to ask about mountains or beaches and I used to say mountains. But it changed a few years ago to the concrete jungle. I like this jungle for its crazy, sick and always hasty people. I no more look for an escape into the mountains, because I have escaped several times with these people and I love and hate it at the same time.

The ride ended, we got down and came home. I enjoyed my cheeseburger and fries without looking at my mobile (for my friends who will ask, yes I had bought nachos wala burger and cheesy peri fries and thankfully they continue to sell at the same old price).

Though way back in the ’50s-’60s, Rat Park Experiment was performed for understanding the addictive nature of drugs but it’s been said that our brain’s response to grief and sorrow is similar. It tends to get addicted to it and that’s when we start sulking. We tend to isolate ourselves. Even if we don’t, covid has forced us to. We are all rats living in our isolated cages. If we get addicted to anything right now, quitting it will be difficult. But remember, like rats we’re social beings. Try not to isolate yourself completely. If you live somewhere, where you can go out and escape that never-ending sense of languish, do it. It’ll take a lot of energy if you’re already addicted to it. But remember, we’re evolutionarily designed to be around people – like them or hate them.

Step out as much as you can, get into that maddening park that looks annoyingly crowded from a distance. You might be surprised by the kind of gems it hides. Some might glitter but won’t be gold, some might look like stones but will be precious for you and some will just pass by as you’ll keep looking and in the process, they will teach you to appreciate little things in life which you might have overlooked.

Thank you for reading.

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Article Mentioned:

Rat Park Experiment

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